I 'am' a superwoman...?

Well in 5 months' time, the 'am' will change to either:

a) AM (capitalization--> highlighting certainty. Omission of inverted commas--> indicating the meaning of sentence is real, instead of a sarcastic remark).

-OR-

the word 'am' may have a bestie beside it. And the bestie is:

b) NOT (well, this is kinda clear isn't it..the capitalization will mean that i'm not kidding...)

so it will be either:

I AM a superwoman

-OR-

I am NOT a superwoman

Gosh, making simple things sound more complicated than they really are is my forte huh???

Ok, ok, enough of unsuccessful attempt to sensationalize a totally unglamorous conflict of mine, let me just be clear.

With regard to the earlier post, the 'four' and 'five' refer to the subjects that i want to take this semester...

as i had mentioned earlier, i had purposely registered for 5, with NO intention at all to stick to that number. i was well aware that that was VERY ambitious. i registered extra just as a preventive measure, considering previous semester's chaotic situation when we could not register for the subjects we wanted, just because the classes were 'full'. I had every intention to drop one subject before the adding/dropping subjects deadline and take only four subjects, just as the previous semester. The deadline was last night, at midnight.

And to my amazement, i did nothing. i did not drop any. Well of course i needed to make my friend and mother distract me through phone calls by 12am last night, so that i won't change anything anymore.

About 4 days ago, the idea of taking five subjects sounded logical. It was initially the idea of the fac's assistant registrar, who said it's not an impossible action. This is one of the ways that could lessen my burden next sem, which is the critical period that will decide whether i can finish my masters studies by the end of this year or not. He gave me this idea that left me sleepless for several nights.

Every day for the past 4 days i was thinking, 'four' or 'five', 'four' or 'five'??? pening gila!

After a lot of thinking, which occurred mostly in the form of guling-guling atas katil, ive decided to take five after all. Frankly, i don't know for sure whether i can make it through, but what i'm sure is, it is not impossible.

If last semester i cud still shop around, jalan2 with friends almost every weekend, strolling around in malls window shopping alone almost every morning, and still tak mati terkangkang tepi longkang by the end of the semester, as i had vividly expected and visualised, why not take 5??

i rarely push myself beyond what i think i am capable to do. ok, not rarely, NEVER! i am the kind of person who like anything SAFE.. ask any of my friends, im UNadventurous at all, to the point of being UNcool. i know..

i HATE risks.. i like being in my comfort zone. and it hit me last year that this attitude hinders me from achieving so many more things that i am actually capable of doing. But yeah, i learnt the hard way. can't turn back the time, can i??

So, if the time comes for me to change, i know i still would not dare to jump off the cliff, bungee jump, cross the Sunway Lagoon 'suspension' bridge, or do absailing..

Why not start with something that is not impossible at least, like just taking one extra subject.. not 10, but ONE extra.

i must deal with my fear of taking risks, my fear of failure, and my fear of regret.

So dear friends, pls support me. Wish me luck ya... Don't feel bad if i cannot really spend time with some of u as much as before within this semester. and sorry if i could not find the time to update this blog as often as i wish (don't count on it...). This is just a tiny weeny sacrifice that i have to make. including LESS n LESS time in malls, going out, n of course procrastinating n day dreaming. I should say goodbye to 8-hour of beauty sleep and say hello to the healthier 6-hour sleep. and sadly, goodbye too to the ever-cool retail work that i love so much. i won't work anymore starting February....

but i will still try to find a way of relaxing myself.. just less fun-time..not NO fun time. i will go bonkers if my brain doesn't have sufficient rest.

hurmmm...*sigh*

After all, as the saying goes, life is all about sacrificing and taking risks, right?

P/S- So the subjects are: Research Methodology, Pragmatics, Structure of English, Varieties of English, and Curriculum Design n Methodology of Teaching English.