FreaKy...

I had never seriously believed in zodiac...and i will never do..

but this 'free sample personal astrology profile' by 'astrology.com', sent via my email as my birthday gift 2 days ago, describes and unveils some of the truest facts about me!!! Here it goes:

Section 1: How You Approach Life and How You Appear To Others

You are a natural diplomat, reasonable, tolerant, fair,
always willing to listen to varying viewpoints, and ready to see
the other side of an issue. Even if you strongly disagree with
someone, you will try to find points of similarity and agreement
rather than emphasizing the differences. You often avoid taking
an extreme or one-sided stance on anything. You have a strong
desire for harmonious and pleasant relationships, and express a
spirit of cooperation, compromise, friendship, and fairness. You
very much want to be liked and because of your need for approval
and acceptance, you are easily influenced by others' opinions,
especially when young. You so much want to please that often you
will suppress your own intense or unpleasant feelings in order
not to offend others. Sometimes your politeness is interpreted as
phoniness or wishy-washiness. Find out more with your full-length reading...

Section 2: The Inner You: Your Real Motivation

You are a freedom-loving, strong-willed, and independent-
minded individual, and you insist upon living your own life as
you see fit, even if that means ignoring convention and
tradition. In personal relationships you cannot be owned or
possessed, and while you are willing to share yourself with
another, you do not always adjust easily to the emotional give
and take of a close relationship. Though intellectually open, you
can be enormously stubborn, opinionated, and inflexible on a one-
to-one level. You have strong convictions and feelings about
fairness and equality, and you try to live by your ideals, but
your ideals about how people SHOULD treat one another don't
always take into account human weaknesses, differences, and
needs. You probably dislike sentimentality and traditional gender
roles and "games". Find out more with your full-length reading...

http://rep.astrology.com/free/17602/8329/1.html

kinda freaky i think...

A Gift

"Congratulations Mdm, here's your birthday 'gift'..."

(Royal Hospital for Women, Sydney, Jan 24 1984)

How often do you come across people who have the same birth dates as their mothers?

I reckon, rarely... right?

Well, my life has so far been filled with funny ups n downs.

and, unsurprisingly, it started on a funny note as well.

I was supposed to be born on the 24th of February 1984, so my mother was told...

But due to my eagerness to venture out into this place called earth... and also the fact that life was pretty boring, limited, and stuffy in that liquid container, I decided to pop out one month earlier...

Being the bun in the oven was not cool...

In fact, I almost decided to come out when my mom was still on her way to the hospital after I had purposely made her water broke. But looking at her terrified and horrifying expressions, I thought, I could wait 1 more hour...

Based on that and being 'only' 2.8 kgs, I was considered by the stupid Australian doctors as being a premature baby. I was sooo tembam, my mom told me... But Mat Salleh's babies generally weigh around 4 kgs at birth. Heck, maybe the doctors forgot that I was Asian.

I strongly believe that they had gotten the calculations wrong... my mom said I did not look premature in any way...

Oh have i mentioned who delivered me??? She was a 70- year old 'virgin' gynecologist.

Yeah, the Australian doctors were grating on my nerves since the first day I was born. How could they say "Madam... you are soo fair... but your baby.... *looooong pause*...".

But I think I made my mom's life easier. At least it wasn't difficult for her to locate her baby in the ocean of white babies in the baby room (i really dunno the actual term).

And you know what, the doctors assigned male nurses to take care of my mom! and nurses are the ones who should help the new mommies bathe..*yikes*. And the nurses served Pineapple juice to my mom every day after the birth. Bidan-bidan kampung will surely squirm to the very thought of it. And surely, they didn't allow my mom to use any ointments to lessen her pain. But of course my mom, being mischievous (oh now i know where this mischievousness comes from..), pretended like she had lost her olfactory nerves saying 'Nothing2....", when the doctors asked "What smell is this???" Minyak angin exclusively imported from Malaysia came to the rescue...

My mom's birthday is actually on the 23rd of Jan.. but due to some misunderstandings and such (u know la how it was back then..), her birth certificate, ID card and other documentations state that 24th of Jan 1957 is her birthday. And, she also identifies strongly towards the latter.

Who could have thought that you will get a baby on your birthday right?

You might have expected gifts, kisses, wishes or hugs...and yet... u get PAIN, lotsa blood, stitches (oh i should not go into further details on this) and ultimately, one loud crying being in your arms that comes from your own body and has been giving you aches, vomits, and fats for the past 9 months. And also, the unfabulous responsibility that comes with it.

So there... apparently, the 'gift' was me...

Despite the doctor's words to my mom, I am still wondering, am i really a gift? or a misfortune?

My existence was the sole reason why she could not get back to her once HOT figure!

But still, I really hope it's not the latter...

The word 'gift' encapsulates a VERY deep meaning. Too deep that I think I can never possibly unearth.

Happy Birthday Mama...

and

Happy Birthday Azrin...

May this year be filled with pure happiness, less undesirable challenges, and more opportunities towards a fulfilling life.

After all, I am already a quarter century old...

I 'am' a superwoman...?

Well in 5 months' time, the 'am' will change to either:

a) AM (capitalization--> highlighting certainty. Omission of inverted commas--> indicating the meaning of sentence is real, instead of a sarcastic remark).

-OR-

the word 'am' may have a bestie beside it. And the bestie is:

b) NOT (well, this is kinda clear isn't it..the capitalization will mean that i'm not kidding...)

so it will be either:

I AM a superwoman

-OR-

I am NOT a superwoman

Gosh, making simple things sound more complicated than they really are is my forte huh???

Ok, ok, enough of unsuccessful attempt to sensationalize a totally unglamorous conflict of mine, let me just be clear.

With regard to the earlier post, the 'four' and 'five' refer to the subjects that i want to take this semester...

as i had mentioned earlier, i had purposely registered for 5, with NO intention at all to stick to that number. i was well aware that that was VERY ambitious. i registered extra just as a preventive measure, considering previous semester's chaotic situation when we could not register for the subjects we wanted, just because the classes were 'full'. I had every intention to drop one subject before the adding/dropping subjects deadline and take only four subjects, just as the previous semester. The deadline was last night, at midnight.

And to my amazement, i did nothing. i did not drop any. Well of course i needed to make my friend and mother distract me through phone calls by 12am last night, so that i won't change anything anymore.

About 4 days ago, the idea of taking five subjects sounded logical. It was initially the idea of the fac's assistant registrar, who said it's not an impossible action. This is one of the ways that could lessen my burden next sem, which is the critical period that will decide whether i can finish my masters studies by the end of this year or not. He gave me this idea that left me sleepless for several nights.

Every day for the past 4 days i was thinking, 'four' or 'five', 'four' or 'five'??? pening gila!

After a lot of thinking, which occurred mostly in the form of guling-guling atas katil, ive decided to take five after all. Frankly, i don't know for sure whether i can make it through, but what i'm sure is, it is not impossible.

If last semester i cud still shop around, jalan2 with friends almost every weekend, strolling around in malls window shopping alone almost every morning, and still tak mati terkangkang tepi longkang by the end of the semester, as i had vividly expected and visualised, why not take 5??

i rarely push myself beyond what i think i am capable to do. ok, not rarely, NEVER! i am the kind of person who like anything SAFE.. ask any of my friends, im UNadventurous at all, to the point of being UNcool. i know..

i HATE risks.. i like being in my comfort zone. and it hit me last year that this attitude hinders me from achieving so many more things that i am actually capable of doing. But yeah, i learnt the hard way. can't turn back the time, can i??

So, if the time comes for me to change, i know i still would not dare to jump off the cliff, bungee jump, cross the Sunway Lagoon 'suspension' bridge, or do absailing..

Why not start with something that is not impossible at least, like just taking one extra subject.. not 10, but ONE extra.

i must deal with my fear of taking risks, my fear of failure, and my fear of regret.

So dear friends, pls support me. Wish me luck ya... Don't feel bad if i cannot really spend time with some of u as much as before within this semester. and sorry if i could not find the time to update this blog as often as i wish (don't count on it...). This is just a tiny weeny sacrifice that i have to make. including LESS n LESS time in malls, going out, n of course procrastinating n day dreaming. I should say goodbye to 8-hour of beauty sleep and say hello to the healthier 6-hour sleep. and sadly, goodbye too to the ever-cool retail work that i love so much. i won't work anymore starting February....

but i will still try to find a way of relaxing myself.. just less fun-time..not NO fun time. i will go bonkers if my brain doesn't have sufficient rest.

hurmmm...*sigh*

After all, as the saying goes, life is all about sacrificing and taking risks, right?

P/S- So the subjects are: Research Methodology, Pragmatics, Structure of English, Varieties of English, and Curriculum Design n Methodology of Teaching English.

Four or Five??

I feel so pening... Four or Five? Four or Five? Four or Five?

My head is saying: Take the safest route.. Why take risks? You don't wanna regret it later for doing something that you are not sure of... You are NOT a superwoman!

My heart is saying: Be adventurous! U have always taken the safest route. You need to believe in yourself. Some risks and pressure will push u further..beyond what u think u r capable of... You ARE a superwoman!

*weng*...

My RusTy BraiN

Uuuuhhh.... my brain is not ready yet to be used in any academic way...

The prove: In one of my classes just now, I had literally ran out of the class. After reading one academic article, and then forced to read another one, my brain just sent a signal "Get out Azrin..I could not digest anything anymore!!!." huhu... Bad huh?

The semester has just started last week.. But even so, I still don't feel ready to embark on this journey again.. After all, all of the lectures have not gotten too serious yet.. So, I am still in this main-main mode.. wuhuhu...

Just as the previous semester, I think I am going to take 4 subjects as well in this semester. I registered for 5, but gonna drop one by next week, Friday. I still couldn't decide.. For now, these are the subjects that I have registered:

Confirmed:

• Research Methodology
• Structure of English
• Pragmatics

Still thinking between:

• Varieties of English
• Language and Gender

Both are equally interesting and feasible!!!

Subjects are getting heavier for my second semester... so wish me luck peeps!

I still couldn't decide for real, partly because some of the lecturers are still not around. So I still don't get a real picture of the subjects offered. It's alright. The deadline for adding and dropping courses is 16th Jan.

As usual, awal2 sem, although I am hyper malas and my brain is all rusty, I still have some ambitious resolutions in my head. Like....

• gonna read morrrreeee academic articles (as if...)
• need to visit the library waaaay morrreee often... uhuk
• need to enrich my academic vocabulary
• wanna be more outspoken in class.. errr... (this is my resolution every year, but it was never materialised..)
• be more confident speaking before a crowd of audience while presenting, without secreting any 'cold sweat'..

and more and more ambitious plans... wuhuu...

and of course other non-academic resolutions like....

• Exercise EVERY day!
• Do 100 sit-ups every morning...
• Take some sorta supplements to regenerate my brain cells...
• Drink LOTSA water!
• DO sth about my severe absent-minded-ness... Don't be such a flake!
• Read ALL of the novels bought! and improve my general vocab!
• and do systematic plans for all the things that are going to take place this year...fuh...

Banyaknyaaaa!!! Die die die....

again, wish me luck ya!

May 2009 bring even more glorious success and pure happiness in my study and in my LIFE! weeeeee!!!!

I HATE MEN... (I'm not a lesbian...)

7/1/09

Today is officially my 'I-Hate-Males' Day.

The ever dodgy and obviously pervy Indon construction workers, whom I have always despised (and who have always been my benchmark for exemplifying my psychotic state-of-mind), are currently doing some renovation in the house I'm living now.

So they are practically just a few inches away from me, at least for the next few days, from 8 am- 8 pm.

I slept at 2 ++ am last night. So I was expecting to wake up no early than 10 am. Yes, I need my 8-hour beauty sleep (though the eye-bags and zits never seem to go away...). But at 830 this morning, I just could not sleep anymore. This house is a no-guy house, so when the first thing I heard this morning was LOUD husky male voices, chatting and fooling around, I just could not continue my journey in the slumberland anymore.

At first, I tried to ignore. After all, i'm well known among my Degree mates to be a heavy sleeper. May it be thunderous thunderstorms, phone ringing, the sound of hairdryer, people chit chatting loudly, ...... I could just sleep through all those situations. Bom jatuh pun xtentu bangun.
In fact, there was once when we IPBA housemates went for a trip in Langkawi and rented a cheap chalet.. on one of the nights, a rat was crawling just on top of our heads while sleeping. SO I WAS TOLD..., since I was happily asleep at that time, not knowing at all that my fellow friends were working their ass off, jumping and whatnot on the bed to chase that rat away. Seriously, I was not awaken at all... it was not even in my dream!

and of course another popular example was during the earthquake in Wellington, autumn 2005. a large-scale earthquake hit Wellington at about 3 am in the morning. But at least this time around, I felt like it was a dream. EVERYthing was shaking badly. I felt as if I was in that shaker that baristas usually use to make all sorts of fancy un-pronouncable cocktails and mocktails. I remembered just waking up... staring at my roomate's face, who was just as confused... and I just said "Syuhada...gegaq....". Despite the vibrations, and people yelling "are you alright??" to one another and sounds of footsteps of frightened teenagers outside my paper-thin door, I went back to sleep, soundly... thinking that it was all a dream.

ok enough of proving that I am a VERY heavy sleeper... This morning I realised that there are two things that could wake me up:

1. The voice of my landlord scolding people on the phone or scolding the two poor Myanmar girls who still don't even know one English word.

2. The voices of pervs walking outside the room saying "auntie2, ada pompuan tak dalam this house..cantik tak??" or "ehhh ular2 ni msuk rumah lak..kang msuk dalam bilik2 ni pulak!"

So I bathed this afternoon in absolute fear that they might peep me somehow.... and me being all imaginative of course would already visualise the dramatic moments when they tried to grab my towel (and whatnot..) and their satisfied horny looks when they got to see me at least half naked (although I have nothing much to offer..huhu). So I went out of the house to class extra early (coz i cudn't bear the noises and their audible perv talks) with this freakinly fake stern face that said "don't u dare whistle or say anything to me, or look at my butt etc2.." I think it worked.

My class was at 6 pm but I went out at 2 pm. not knowing what to do, I had lunch alone at Medan Selera Bangsar. After eating and buying some stuff at Czip Lee, I didn't know where else to go in Bangsar Baru anymore. Bangsar is getting pretty boring to me huh... *sigh*... But it was just 3 pm.. so I decided to check the air pressure of my car tyres at the petrol station. I forgot to do so the last time I fuelled up my car last week.

As I was checking the second tyre... there's this one big Pajero-like vehicle parked beside my car. A middle-aged man, around 40s or 50s came out of it and suddenly said to me.. "eh adik, keta tayar kecik mana boleh bubuh 200/ 29 nih.." I was like so blur..and with my nil automotive knowledge I was like "yeke?? tapi tulis kat Viva ni 200 (29)"... He was like trying to help me... adjusting the meter and all..but the meter could not be adjusted. So off he went to eat cendol (i suppose that was the main reason why he parked there). And I asked the Petronas boy to help me figure out what to do with the meter since the meter was then 250 or sth (yes, the man actually worsened the situation).

Since it could not be adjusted back to 200 or less, I needed to check the air pressure at another meter within that petrol station. So I was like, ok fine.. (dlm hati cm menyumpah2.. aaargh xyah tolg aku pun xpe... 200 tadi tu dh ok dh...), got into the car and started the engine to drive to the other meter spot. Suddenly, before I reversed, the middle-aged man popped up and knocked on my side mirror... I simply opened the window and he immediately handed me his business card .. while saying "ni no saya...nanti call saya yer..." with this VERY gatal look which I interpreted as "call me so that we can arrange when and where we can have sex and do some other hanky panky stuff." maybe i'm exaggerating, I'm not so sure..

I simply took the card and fakely said "hrrmm..haaa..yer2..." although what I meant was " NOOO WAYYY... what do you think I am..? like my VJJ can be bought cheaply by such a seemingly impressive business card?? u are almost bald and u obviously look like u are married with 5 full-grown kids... go away from me!!!!!" and closed the window quickly...

If he was a 20 sth guy who looked single and doing so, maybe I would not feel as bad. Who knows memang dia btul2 nk berkenalan ke apa..and that was just his lame way of courting *buek*. I still think it's un-gentleman to do so though.. But obviously he's married and OLD... !! The only good thing he owned was the car... with which perhaps the only thing he thought he could use to make girls tempted to BE with him. Guys of that age don't find 'friends' randomly like that.. nor would they find prospective second wives that way... so that's my rationale for thinking that it was actually a sex offer. High-level of critical thinking huh??

That's why I was freakin furious actually.. serius rasa naik terus darah...nk muntah semua ada.. I just felt like speeding off from that station to UM immediately. but I tried to control my anger and geli-ness for the sake of my car air pressure. I would not want to drive on with unbalanced tyre pressures. yucks!!! super2 yucks!

Yes I was told that middle-aged men like to look at women's butts and of course I could not help tertonggeng2 sket nk isi angin..like normal people usually do.. but what choice did I have? I am practically alone in KL, and I have to do such things that I don't like by myself.. btw, I was fully clothed.. in fact today I think I was kinda decent wearing a long sleeve shirt. y la....

But he... he had a choice.. he could have just repressed his sexual fantasies and refrained himself from giving any sorts of cards and ideas to a random lady at a petrol station. He could have just let me think that he was a nice man who had no hidden agenda at all for trying to help the helpless me. He HAD a choice.. and he decided to make me think that he's a sex maniac.

Gosh, before this the only thing I'm afraid about petrol stations was being robbed while fueling up the car. Now, I have to add "pervert middle-aged men" to the list.

*sigh* I hate men... (not all of course). only those who cannot seem to treat ladies with respect without having any sexual agenda. Those who cannot seem to control their sexual desires and would rather tarnish their own reputation in 3 seconds.

I had one such experience too when I was 16... I remembered MidValley was very new at that time.. and me being this excited shopaholic teenager of course would do anything to go to MV...(such as walking from Abdullah Hukum station and panjat a high road divider of a very busy road just to get to MV). there... because of the full blast aircond perhaps, I had a terrible flu, and instead of shopping I needed to stay outside shops most of the time, sitting just on the chairs along the corridor.

While my school friends were shopping at "World of Cartoons" (boy... we were young...), I sat outside.. and there was this late 20s guy sitting there too, along with many other people. but I was like buat bodoh jerk.. tgh saket, heran ape.. after a while, he just asked me why I was not inside the shop in a very un-gatal manner. Then he just asked me where I'm from and such, and I just answered his seemingly innocent questions.. The conversation lasted for less than 5 minutes...then off he went to his obviously pregnant wife who was pushing the pram, and 2 other small kids. that's it.. 10 minutes later.. I was still there on the chair..and suddenly he came back running to me and handed me his mobile number on a piece of small white paper. I was seriously clueless looking at him.. he just said "tepon abang yer dik...".. and quicky he ran back to the opposite side where I could still see his wife. I didn't say or do a thing. I was speechless and rasa hina sgt2.

What the heck was he thinking??? Obviously he's married with kids and was expecting another one. I was not blind! And I was obviously just 16, a school girl!! I seriously could not read such men's minds. How do their brains work eh???

Tapi ..if they sanggup brave themselves to try out their luck in such a way...meaning..mesti ada yg successful.. tu sebab diorang sanggup cuba.. so in a way, gatal girls who melayan such guys are also to be blamed.

Urgh... I truly hate them....

I really hope my future husband won't be like that when he's suffering from his middle life crisis and owns big cars and whatnot... with me being an all wrinkly, flabby, and sagging wife, I hope he will still love me for who I am... instead of finding replacements or hanky panky fun-time by the roadsides.

I respect men who could control their desires, love their women for who they are, and cherish the memories they shared together, the sacrifices they made and the challenges they faced together since their first day of marriage. Such men are stronger, and sexier too...

So please men... respect women.

and only reveal that animal side of you in suitable situations, (if you know what I mean..).

please make me LOVE you..